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[Music] you two days ago on February 22nd at 1:00 a.m. I experienced within a matter of 10 minutes what I would call a total awakening a total enlightenment this was an awakening unlike I had experienced up to this point I have talked about in the past and I have shown you even various awakening experiences that I've had getting glimpses here and there understanding this and that putting the pieces together and having these awakenings but what happened on that night was just incredible defying all description and all explanation it was a coming together of all the pieces of all the facets of this multifaceted jewel that we call enlightenment or non-duality and realizing that I am everything that's what I became all boundaries disappeared and I became infinite in infinite directions in infinite dimensions the materialist paradigm completely melted away and all that remained was me existing as infinity this everything that I'm seeing everything that you're seeing right now is infinity itself it is the absolute but conventionally you are experiencing only a little piece of it and so you're identified with that little piece and you're not sure how that little piece fits in with what else is going on in the universe and you don't know what reality is but here on this night I became conscious of why all of reality exists and why it is inevitable and why it must exist precisely as exists at as it exists because what reality is is simply infinity itself infinity is not something that's hiding somewhere somewhere that you're not seeing this is infinity right now you are at the very center of infinity your Center but you see infinity is such a slippery notion that what is the center of infinity you might wonder what does that look like it's not some science fantasy or some fiction that you dream up it is precisely what you're experiencing right now you see by its very nature infinity must include every single possibility and therefore that means that you find yourself as an individual within this infinite singularity but you're attached to your body and you're attached to your mind and you're attached to your present perceptual field and you feel like that's what confines you well I broke through all those confines that night and I realized that I am the entire singularity and whereas I had experienced absolute infinity in various degrees before and I've talked about that and I have episodes where I explain the nature of absolute infinity and all that and that's all valid but what was different about this experience this Awakening was that I wasn't just understanding absolute infinity as a sort of object that's separate from me the way that I did in the past but I actually became it and I became it so deeply that it became my body the entire universe is my body just the entire universe but every single possibility that could ever possibly be I am and this is cog knives any intellectual logical rational understanding or explanation it's not even at the level of knowledge like this is something that I know or something I've deduced or something that I figured out know it's something that I am infinity is my body there is nothing here there's nothing behind the eyes there's nothing inside of me and in fact there is no awareness and there is no consciousness there is not even consciousness what there is is there is just infinity imagine if you will that before the universe or reality came into being there was just nothing imagine that and right there you have created unwittingly created everything right there that's it stop right there stop at nothing there's nothing more it's not like there was nothing and that a bunch of stuff got created somehow through some kind of magical process or some scientific process or some sort of inflationary BIGBANG or whatever it's not that it's that there was always just nothing but then you say but Leo what is all this stuff how did all this stuff come into being then you don't get it yet this is what nothing looks like nothing doesn't look like an empty blank space or a black hole that's not nothing this is precisely nothing my words are precisely nothing my face is precisely nothing my body is precisely nothing you are precisely nothing this room is nothing this entire planet and star system and galaxies and universes precisely nothing nothing is infinity infinity is all that there could ever be every single object is just a part of what it means for there to be infinity infinity is every single possibility this is the most radical thing you could ever possibly conceive of which is why you can't conceive of it during this awakening my mind became infinite and it traced through to the very infinite corners of the universe it has of course no corners it goes on forever and I went on forever and I felt it and I felt the full consequences and ramifications of what that means which means that I exist as absolutely everything I exist as every single human being who ever lived both past present and future I exist as every single sentient creature every single life form that is ever possible in every possible premutation doing every possible action that it could possibly do I exist as every single possible decision point of my life so if you imagine my life as a human being I was born and then I had all these little branching decision points like I could have gone to this school or to that school or I could have gotten married at this age or that age or I could have sorted this kind of business that kind of business or I could have walked outside at 6 a.m. or at 6:01 a.m. or at 6:02 a.m. and all the possible pre mutations and combinations of my life I am all of them simultaneously I could have died a trillion times from the moment that I was born to the moment that I'm alive now at this age of 32 and I am all those pre mutations and I'm I all the future pre mutations not only of myself but of every human being in every creature and not just a very creature not just all the sentient and all the living creatures but also of every inanimate object that could ever possibly exist I exist as every possible inanimate object that ever existed exist now or will ever exist I exist as every single creative invention everything that is invented by human beings creatively every piece of artwork every piece of music every film every video game every work of literature every poem I exist as all of those they they all come from me because I am infinity and infinity entails absolutely every possible thing that could ever be created existing simultaneously and yet at the same time none of it actually exists because existence negates itself infinity is an object which negates its own existence so at the same time it exists and does not exist in fact it's beyond existence and non-existence it is just infinity that's it that's why there is everything but of course to you it doesn't feel like there's everything and that's precisely because everything must include you feeling like right now you're not experiencing everything infinity must include all possible finitude z-- every possible limitation is contained within that which is ultimately unlimited and that's it that answers everything this infinity is not something that comes into being over time it's not something that evolves it's not something that God creates it's just the only possibility that there is is infinity there just infinity they're always only was infinity there will always only be infinity it's one object it's one mega object which contains within it every other possible object it's the ultimate superset it's the set of all sets the set of all possible sets that's what reality is and that's what I am and there's no difference whatsoever between my physical body or my mind and the camera that I'm looking at or the light that is shining upon me or this wall or this carpet or this chair or this coffee table or that tree or that dog or that human being or that anything all of them are equivalent and identical to myself literally they are physically me all there is is there as being being that's what this stuff is this is not consciousness there is no perception going on right now there is only being and it doesn't look like anything other than what is here I'm not talking about some magical state I'm not talking about some sort of flying unicorns and and auras and astral projecting yourself somewhere to some different realm or universe some other dimension sure all those might exist there might be unicorns on some planet far away in a different galaxy sure there could be that and if there is that I am that unicorn I am that planet I am that galaxy I am every possibility including this one right here first and foremost that's what I realized when I realized this there was no emotional fireworks there was no jumping up and down it was such a staggering and profound realization it was such a clear it's just such a clear and obvious fact that I just I just sat there for for about 60 minutes just like this just holding holding my breath holding my mouth at the at the all of it realizing what I was realizing and knowing for sure that this is the ultimate answer this is the answer that I was seeking it's the answer to why anything exists at all and how it could possibly come into being that was perfectly clear to me this was clear on a plane of consciousness which is unlike any normal plane of consciousness so the plane of consciousness that you're on right now cannot understand what I'm talking about this is a a radically different plane of consciousness and you do not know how to get to that plane of consciousness from the one that you're at right now because it's a such a radically different plane of consciousness at that plane of consciousness you no longer care about identification with yourself you no longer care about living or dying that is sort of the universal perspective you're sort of switching from the human perspective and you're jumping into the universal perspective which is just a runaway chain reaction of being infinite forms every possible form that could ever possibly be and the substance of these forms is nothing it's undefined being is undefinable you can't say anything about he can't say that it exists or does not exist you can't say it's an illusion or it's on to lose you can't say it's real or unreal you can't say anything about it but when I'm talking to you the best way to get you the right idea about it is to say that it's as though you're experiencing an infinite hallucination or an infinite hologram that's sort of what reality is like it's just like this infinite hologram it's hollow that's why they call it the void it is the void with a capital T and a capital V but the void is not a hole the void is this this is the void this is the absolute so that's what I became conscious of now how did this happen how did this awaken and get triggered let me give you a bit of the backstory it's rather interesting well as you may know I just came back from a Hawaii meditation retreat but this awakening did not happen there I actually shot about three hours of footage from Hawaii which I'm process of uploading right now it takes a while to upload all this content so I'm gonna upload those videos they'll be available in a few days on my blog exclusively on my blog you won't see it on my You Tube channel so go check it out there when it's available there's some juicy insights for you there but I came back from this Hawaii retreat it's seven days they are meditating a lot and I had some mixed results I had some great lessons and learnings but also I had some failures which you'll see if you watch those videos and I didn't get any big breakthroughs but I came back and I was much more conscious of course as you are after a long retreat meditating morning till night but I was also frustrated I was frustrated with my lack of progress I was frustrated because I felt like I should have gotten more from that retreat I was frustrated with self-inquiry because I feel like I've been doing self inquiry for four years now and I've been beating this dead horse over and over again and and I just I wanted to to put an end to the seeking so I scheduled an energy transmission session with with an enlightened psychic this I actually scheduled before I even went on the Hawaii retreat it was on my books for close to a month and I paid good money for it and I just wanted to try this out as an experiment so what this is is this is traditionally called Shakti pot you might have heard about this if you read a lot of the can-do traditions where traditionally you have gurus and certain gurus if they have cities or they have paranormal abilities which you know some people believe in them some people don't believe in them but uh these cities can be real for sure which is not to say there aren't scammers out there but you can definitely find a guru who has cities and one of the cities is the ability to transmit consciousness just through looking at you not even touching you just is sort of called an energy transmission or Shakti pot so I scheduled one of these sessions just because I like to experiment with stuff I like to try all sorts of crazy stuff I wasn't like you know uh totally certain that it would work in fact I was like fifty-fifty like maybe it doesn't at all maybe it works someone maybe it works totally I don't know maybe they'll help me it'll help me finish my job so I hope that it was sort of like finished me put it in to the seeking because that's supposedly what it could do and supposedly it only really helps those people who are already on the edge who have already had awakenings but their awakenings maybe they've had them but they haven't stuck or they've had them but it's like they're still half-baked not fully realize you know those sorts of cases it doesn't usually work when you take someone off the street and just do it on someone who has no idea of what what enlightenment is so I scheduled this and the day before I was supposed to have this session I was excited for it when my head hit the pillow that night though my intuition kicked in and I just listened to it and said you can't do this you must walk this path solo and I had to listen to my intuition I didn't want to listen to it because I was frustrated with seeking so I'd be glad to put it into it if I could and I was I'm also I'm interested in experimenting with stuff so I'm interested in trying out new stuff and just seeing how it works but what my intuition told me here is that my job was to follow through on the methods that I have started already specifically my job was to prove the five Meo DMT path my job was to as I said a year and a half ago when I started with psychedelics and with five Meo DMT my job was to prove that it was possible to become totally enlightened through five Meo DMT and I felt like and that's what my intuition was telling me is that if I did this transmission thing and that if it worked that would actually that would that would be that would be breaking my path so the next day I declined the transmission even though I paid good money for it and that was that and then I was pretty bummed out for the rest of that day because you know I was second-guessing myself yeah I listen to my intuition but then how do you distinguish between whether it's your intuition or your ego was that just arrogance was it my pride was it my not wanting to get help from other people and maybe that was just my spiritual ego coming into play No so I was sort of dealing with all this second-guessing myself but also in the back of my mind I also kind of knew that that was the choice I had to make yes this made my work more difficult and so of course I was bummed out for the rest that day because I was wondering like well how long is it gonna take me now how many more years am I gonna keep doing this stupid self inquiry keep having these glimpses and awakenings but then not finishing and and still feeling like there's there's more to find still feeling like I don't really understand why reality exists and why it's here that was my ultimate driving question and I still felt like yeah I had some insights into it but just like there was more I knew there was more I felt there was more and so I got a bummed out about that and then at around midnight of that night my intuition kicked in again told me that now it's time to do five Meo DMT right now tonight and usually I don't do psychedelics on short notice usually I plan them out a few days ahead a week ahead I never just get this urge so just do some psychedelics and I run off and do them net almost never never do I do that for for safety reasons but in this case my intuition was telling me you gotta get into it now because you've declined that path now follow through on this path and what's interesting about that is that I haven't done five Meo DMT in one and a half years ever since my big big big breakthrough which I shot a video about I hadn't done it I feel another psychedelics which I've talked about and I've I've posted reports on I've even posted videos of so yeah I've done those but five Meo you got to understand that five amiyo is no ordinary psychedelic this is a East all onto itself so I was scared to go back I really needed that one and a half years just to fight to fully integrate that massive massive breakthrough mm experience that I had one and a half years ago I needed all that time and I needed all these smaller trips to fully integrate to think it all through and I still wasn't totally sure if I was ready but I listened to my intuition because I sort of now committed to this path and I said okay I'll do a baby dose I'll do the smallest dose I've ever done which is ten milligrams before that I did 12 milligrams that was my that was my small stuff this is 10 million I just wanted to kind of ease my way back into it because I knew that I've done a lot of integrating a lot of growing and I'd become much more sensitive over the last one and a half years so I knew that I couldn't just take a massive dose it might be way too strong even ten milligrams I wasn't sure what that was gonna do now for most people ten milligrams will just make their heart pound and not much more than that you won't have any super profound spiritual experiences on ten milligrams for most people so I took this baby dose and my intuition further told me that I have to try a new method of administration before I snorted it other people like to smoke it I don't like to smoke it and hear it said I have to try it rectally so I took a small needle this syringe no needle and I administered it rectally by dissolving in some water it's not as disgusting as it sounds and and literally within five minutes it came on it comes on ridiculously fast you won't believe how fast it comes on rectally I mean it's pretty much the same speed as through your nose you just think that you know it would take longer fur to travel up to your brain from your butt but no it takes about five minutes that's all it takes it comes on very quickly so what I did is I just laid on the floor and wait for five minutes for this thing to come on I had fear I had uncertainty my heart was pounding I didn't know how deep was this was gonna go and I felt man maybe it's gonna go too deep and then it happened precisely around the five-minute mark what happened is that all my fear sort of just crescendoed and then just melted away within about a minute after the five minute mark it just melted away and then I just eased my way into absolutely infinite consciousness all borders collapsed all sense of being my body collapsed and just as crystal clarity I just ascended into this new plane of consciousness from which I became everything and I just looked around the room there was no funky visuals it was a very calm and you might almost say sober trip there was very little monkey mind there was very little of any kind of distractions or this or that or body highs is there like very little of anything it was just pure consciousness just my consciousness became infinite that's all that happened that's the magic of five Meo and especially with this new administration method which I sort of discovered here for myself and have proven now to myself this to me now is the perfect administration method because it's smoother and it's more gradual than snorting or smoking and this is actually ideal it's especially ideal when you want to fully understand get that that calm state of mind to fully understand in a in a sort of meditative state you just fully understand exactly what's happening there's no doubt there's no there's no questions there's no like one real what's going on with me and what is this thing and what is that thing like sometimes when you take a trip on mushrooms or some other substance LSD or whatever DMT then you know weird stuff happens and you're not sure why it's happening what it means or where it's going none of that happened here here it was just perfectly clear awakening and so I just awoke and this was the deepest awakening that I've ever experienced deeper than even my 30 milligrams of five mio DMT which I took a year and a half ago which just thrust me into the absolute but in a way that I still felt separate from the absolute and I still felt like the absolute in that trip was like an object that was separate for me and also separate from my present experience whereas here what was so remarkable was that the absolute wasn't separate from me or some other object it wasn't some void somewhere that I glimpsed it was my living experience it was my entire body every single object over looking at a book I remember looking at a bunch of books on my coffee table and all these books that I could just I can just see infinity infinity and fitness just infinity of course every book here must exist exactly as it sits every angle of every book every book on my bookshelf must be arranged precisely in that manner because that's exactly what absolute infinity entails it entails every possible arrangement of every possible book of every possible character in every possible book that has ever been written and the way that they're arranged right now on my table it entails everything there's nothing which is excluded and so that's how it happened the peak of the experience lasted for about an hour and a half usually five Meo if you snort it it lasts at most 40 minutes by 45 minutes you're completely down to baseline when you take it rectally it lasts about twice as long it's more mild it's more gentle it's more smooth but it also feels much more stable and more consistent and you have time to really soak in more of it it doesn't just hit you like a sledgehammer over your head to the point where you're so dizzy you're spinning around you got stars you know over your head and little Tweety birds you don't really understand what's going on here it's just like imagine if you could go from being an ordinary person to being a Zen meditators meditated for 40 years Zen master who is metadata every day for 40 years and you could just transition from being a regular person who's never meditated to being this forty years than master and you were able to do that within the span of five minutes that's what it is as this happened to me I also felt chakras opening especially in my head I felt changes in energy I felt my entire mind rewiring itself I felt this chakra here the third eye chakra and the crown chakra opening up I don't know if they were opened completely I guess not but there was there was definitely stuff going on there I especially became very sensitive to that because over the last month I have a yoga practice that I've been doing to open up all my chakras and so I've becoming more and more sensitive to that and so the five amiyo just synergized perfectly with that and I felt like there was there was a sort of permanent rewiring going on there and then after about an hour and a half the whole thing just kind of gradually subsided but my understanding didn't go away in fact this understanding is so obvious and so simple that like it's not dependent upon an experience it's not dependent upon a state right now I'm standing here before you I'm not on any kind of special mystical state but it's very clear to me that all of this is the absolute the relative is the absolute that's the most complete form of enlightenment that there is is to realize that the relative and the absolute are one form is formlessness infinity is nothing God is this this is God I am God I am every possible configuration no matter what state I'm in it's infinite and there's no dying because it's just one object it's infinity so infinity just has all these different forms that it takes so of course this body will die all these perceptions will end and what'll happen then well infinity goes on that's also part of in my death is a part of infinity my death as a as a human being s there's two one one configuration of infinity out of infinite configurations of infinity and there's no there's there's no difference between this body versus some other body so even though this body will die other body will live on and if that body dies if all the human beings on this planet die from some nuclear holocaust doesn't matter because the planet will still remain if the entire planet gets destroyed through some death star machine doesn't matter because the Sun will remain once the Tsar gets the star the Sun gets extinguished because you know billions of years pass and it just dies out from from heat death and maybe collapsed into a black hole it doesn't matter because the black hole is there if the black hole evaporates through Hawking radiation and then there's nothing left and the entire universe goes into heat death it doesn't matter because there's infinite other universes and I am all of them and if all of them die it doesn't matter either because I am NOT existing in any particular configuration any particular time but I am every possible configuration across all times simultaneously I've already occurred forever and I will occur forever and so there there can be no such thing as death and of course there really is no such thing as life either there's just infinity that's all it is it's just infinity but you have to understand that infinity is not a one-dimensional thing like on a number line you have from zero to infinity one two three four five to infinity you know that's just the natural numbers to infinity that's not infinity infinity is this you're experiencing it right now this is absolute infinity that number line that's just one dimension of infinity you need to imagine an object which is infinitely dimensional and then what you get is you get this you get reality you get me saying these words right now to you and every other possible word that I could say in every possible configuration those are also all being said but you're not experiencing them right now because hey someone has to be experiencing these particular words because infinity means someone has to be experiencing these particular words right now and so that's the version of infinity that you're living out right now and somebody else is living out some other version and there's infinite versions there's infinity with infinity with infinity with infinity I could say an infinite number of words and that's just one little infinity within the larger infinity I could look at infinite number of ways and so could you and I could have an infinite number of feelings there could be an infinite number of colors and the number of sizes and shapes and configurations and physical laws and all of it is and all of it is of course nothing as well because form is emptiness and emptiness is form and this is just completely apparent to me it's not just something I know it's something that I am so you might wonder Lea what changed after this experience okay so you came down from the five Meo and then what what changed well firstly like I said is now I have perfect knowledge of what reality is there's no questions anymore I know what it is there's no mystery anymore it's the ultimate answer it's the answer that you cannot get through science no matter how much science you do which touch these signs is bad she's not to say science is wrong or you should stop doing science but science will never get you this answer because every thought that there is is infinite I am science I am religion I am rationality I am irrationality I'm a very possibility of every possible thought that can be thought whether it makes sense or doesn't doesn't matter whether it's true or not doesn't matter whether it's true sighs or false science whether pseudoscience whether it's religious mumbo-jumbo or new ageism or whatever whether it's some conspiracy theory or some outlandish hoax or scam it doesn't matter I am all those you see it's a complete transcendence of knowledge knowledge dissolves into being there is only being knowledge is really just being so that changed there's a sense of satisfaction very deep satisfaction in knowing what everything is and why it has to be this way that has changed for me there is also a cessation of seeking I was very much driven by seeking for the last four years and relief if I think back for the last 20 years since I was a teenager I was fascinated by why does everything exist I wanted to know and now it seems like that that journey of 20 years from my early teenage years through philosophy and through all the self-help and through all this non duality and all this seeking and all these retreats and all this sort of stuff that this seeking has ceased because there's like nothing to seek anymore and that's that's that's really satisfying because there's a lot of suffering that goes on with seeking now the mistake that people make this is the neo-advaita trap as they say oh we'll stop seeking there's nothing to see because in life it doesn't exist you're already enlightened no doesn't work like that you've got to seek really really hard and suffer the seeking yes the seeking creates suffering yes the seeking is egoic but you still got to do it you got to go through all that seeking to get to a point where then you actually arrive at the ultimate understanding and then of course the seeking is not necessary anymore the seeking has brought you to your destination but don't think that you can stop seeking before you've gotten to the destination that would be like imagining that hey I want to drive from Los Angeles to New York and yeah maybe I don't need to drive maybe I'm already at in New York so maybe I'll just leave my car parked and somehow magically I get to New York no you're not gonna get in here to get to New York from Los Angeles you got to drive two and a half thousand miles or however many miles it is you got to drive that and you got to endure all the problems along the route and that route you better believe there's gonna be like flat tires and you got to fuel your gas and you got to like fix your broken engine and oil change oil all this sort of stuff you got to do all that you got to go through the suffering of all that to get to New York and once you get to New York then you can say oh yeah of course I don't need my car anymore because now I'm in New York but until you're in New York you need your car it would be very foolish to throw away your car while you're still in Los Angeles or halfway along your journey because wherever you throw away your car that's where you're gonna be this isn't rocket science very simple logic but still a lot of people get this wrong what else has changed for me is that there is an increase in my baseline level of awareness so I'm not in some sort of blissed-out state right now I'm not as a little hyper mystical or psychedelic trance I'm just in my normal state of consciousness my normal state of awareness but it's raised I'm just more aware of what everything is like I'm picking up an object I'm aware that it's infinite I'm aware that it's inevitable because this is all part of absolute infinity what else has changed for me is that my meditation has skyrocketed and in particular what has helped with my meditation is that before it was difficult for me to do meditation because I was always seeking so when I sit down to do meditation I'm seeking for you know answers to these deep existential questions which actually is counterproductive meditation because the point of meditation is just just to sit and be still so now I'm able to sit and just be still a lot better than before because now I feel like well I've already got my answer so there's nothing to search for so all there is is for me just to sit and to be as infinity and so here I just sit and I be infinity and that's all that meditation sort of boils down to now what else has changed for me is that I'm very aware that everything is totally inevitable every possibility is so what are you complaining about what are you criticizing who are you judging what are you moralizing about you don't like that person you don't like that group of people you don't like that politician you don't like that jerk you don't like that violent person you don't like this Nazi you don't like that guy okay so so what are you complaining about absolute infinity includes every single possibility it includes all the good and includes all the evil and it must be that way it cannot be otherwise so you complaining about it is completely pointless and yet at the same time it's completely inevitable that you're complaining because absolute infinity must of course include you complaining about things that are inevitable but still you're complaining about them but of course if you want you could stop complaining about them and then absolute infinity will also include that possibility of you realizing hey there's no point in complaining and yeah that possibility is also part of absolute infinity so that's really huge for me because that is the key insight that allows you to stop to stop rejecting life to stop rejecting reality right when you realize that it can only be absolute infinity then you realize that there's no point in resisting anymore everything must be accepted you would be a fool not to accept it see it would sort of be like judging I don't know like like judging your dog for going to the bathroom period like ever I don't mean going to the bathroom on your carpet or on your couch yeah you can get mad about that because you know dogs aren't supposed to do that but I mean imagine if a person bought a dog and then every time the dog took a dump at all anywhere even on the grass he would get upset about it just like every time you're like why are you taking a crap why stop it stop taking a crap imagine if there was a human being who had that attitude towards the dogs towards his dog well you could see that person would be frustrated his entire life and for no good reason because his expectations are just completely wrong a dog can't be a dog unless it takes a crap it's a living creature all living creatures need to expel waste alright that's enough now of course it's not inevitable that they need to take a crap in your shoe so okay maybe you get mad about that but it's inevitable that dogs need to poo okay you can't stop them you can't sew their butthole shut so the mistake there isn't with the dog the mistake there is with the person who has these silly expectations about the dog well now let's take that analogy and now expand it to everything everything is absolutely inevitable so what are you criticizing are you criticizing that your dog is taking a dump in your shoe or on your carpet or on your dining room table but that's also inevitable now you would say olio but we can change the dog we can train the dog to stop doing that yes and that's also inevitable it's inevitable that you can and it's notable that you can't it's notable that people kill each other it's inevitable that people rape each other it's inevitable that there are concentration camps it's inevitable that there's Hitler it's inevitable that there's terrorists it's nevertheless there are school shooters now you might say alia but we can pass gun laws to stop school shootings yes you can that's also inevitable every single possibility is inevitable you might say alia but we can prevent all those deaths of all all these innocent people yes you can maybe if you can but it's also inevitable that you can't every possibility is here every single one that's why it's so staggering of an insight you see not just to know this intellectually as a theory or a philosophy but to actually to experience it as being the case it completely stops all your criticism and all your rejection of reality just cold it's like you can't reject anything anymore everything is you what are you rejecting everything is literally your body it's sort of like a magic you were walking around and you were angry at your pinky for being a part of your hand and every time you see your pinkie you get mad at it because like why are you here I don't want you to exist you shouldn't be here that's what you're doing when you're criticizing or you're judging other people or situations you're not realizing that it's inevitable every mistake is inevitable ignorance is a notable evil is inevitable as well as everything else so that has changed for me that's a--that's a very important it's a very important insight to have because that really changes your whole attitude towards people changes your whole attitude towards situations now in a bad situation happens yeah of course I prefer that it doesn't happen but it's also like I realize oh yeah of course it had to happen it's inevitable there's no point in complaining about it aside from these things not much else has changed my mind is still chatty and quite active I do not have some sort of zen-like no mind suffering still happens I'm not in a blissful state and I'm not free of all emotional suffering something doesn't go my way and I get triggered by it yeah and I don't want it to be that way or if I'm experiencing pain in my body and I don't like it and kind of makes me annoyed or frustrated causes me suffering yeah that still happens definitely um and I can still get triggered by stuff and you know big calamities and crises could happen my life and those interfere with my agenda and if I'm really attached to my agenda I want my agenda B to be successful then of course that's gonna affect me and I'm gonna suffer for that my addictions are still present my I have some internet addictions that I'm working on I have some smartphone addictions you know stuff like that is still there those didn't go away there was need additional work my sexual cravings have not changed at all pretty much in fact maybe they're even stronger than before because I feel more free I feel more passionate I feel like I more energy I feel like chakras have opened up and stuff is flowing more smoothly so actually the sexual drive is very strong and and yeah so some of those you know enlightenment gets idealized a lot and I don't know you know people can have different levels of enlightenment different degrees of enlightenment and different amounts of embodying their enlightenment so for some people you know they could they have an insight and maybe it does stop all their suffering and maybe does quiet their mind completely and maybe does stop their sexual cravings and all this and maybe now they are and some blissed-out state for me that's not the case I'm just saying you know there's different kinds of awakenings that people have and of course it depends your awakenings your psychedelics will be different than your awakening through meditation will be different than your awakening through some shock teapot will be different than your awakening through some other thing can be different or they can be the same you know there's there's just a lot of complexity and variability there so be careful not to oversimplify this awakening process and there's different facets of things you can awaken to so what was really remarkable about this awakening that I had I felt was just how complete it felt it felt like all the pieces came together I became conscious of what I am I became conscious of what reality is I became harshest of why reality is I became conscious of what other people are I became conscious of just like I don't know I don't know I maybe there's a few facets that I missed I didn't really get a strong sense of like absolute infinite love I've had those before I didn't get so much of that so maybe the love component was a little bit lacking in that in this awakening but I was like a lot of stuff came together for me now you might wonder well leo is this really total enlightenment or are you just kidding yourself and what's total really mean so again I'm using that word don't take it too seriously I'm using it rather loosely here mostly I use that word total because that's how it felt for me in the moment it felt total that doesn't mean there aren't more total ones it just felt totally for me in the moment and it has certainly been the most total out of the ones that I've had and I've had a handful now probably five or so I don't know I've stopped counting them so of them all for me it felt like the most total you know I asked Peter Ralston once what was the deepest enlightenment or awakening that he's ever had and I'll never forget his answer is very very profound he kind of looked at me puzzled then he said you know they were they were all the deepest and that's right that's exactly how it feels because when you're having your awakening you're so present in the moment there's no there's no other there you're not comparing this moment to anything else so whatever's happening in that moment feels total by definition but nevertheless even if that's true still when you're comparing different awakenings across time then some of them are more total than others so how do you judge that well just subjectively it's the subjective judgment what does a total enlightenment really mean across the board for everybody I don't know you know that's I think that people are too variable to use such a simplistic label and there's way too many components and nuances to enlightenment to just to call it to call it total for everybody it's the same thing what I felt though or what I feel now is if you're familiar with the the ten ox herding pictures which is a map for the stages of enlightenment ten different stages from the Zen tradition that it feels like now I'm at the point where I've passed stage 4 which is catching the Ox I've caught the Ox that's what it felt like and now I'm moving into Sage 5 which is Taming of the Ox now that's just stage five that's like only half the steps now there's five more steps beyond that which I won't get into here I'll shoot an episode about those stages in the future the the Tanakh starting pictures but you know there's more stages so what happens after you catch the Ox is basically a form of of mastery a form of taming the Ox riding the Ox back home and and all the transcending the Ox all the sorts of stuff so I don't consider myself a master by any means I feel like I still have much more room for growth I still feel like personal development basic psychological methods and techniques still have a lot of relevance for me there's still a lot of emotional stuff that I want to work on a lot of basic personal development stuff that I want to work on so it's not like I have transcended self-actualization work not by any means I still feel and expect that there will be deeper indictments in the future so by no means am I saying that I have maxed myself out or that I have reached you know the promised land that I now I'm not gonna do anything anymore no I'm actually very motivated to do more personal development work and I'm very motivated just to to sit and it's a sort of bask in the at that infinity and quiet my mind down even more and just sort of let that infinity um rewire my mind maybe open up my chakras and all that sort of stuff and very importantly I feel like I've proven the five of mio path for myself and I can't really speak about how effective five amiyo will be for you but if you are like me then you will discover if you do five of you know that it is the single most powerful most direct and most no-nonsense tool that exists for this work it is the most pure path to absolute consciousness that there is that I have to ever discovered or learned about or studied and I've I've experimented with a lot of different techniques and different traditions it's just in a class all by itself and what's so sad is that so few people know about it and I've talked to quite a few enlightened masters about five Mao DMT and usually what they do is they just dismiss it you say oh that's just a psychedelic that's just a drug that's just a substance that's not real enlightenment that doesn't really work it can't really work you can't really become enlightened by putting a chemical into your brain I have completely shattered that myth for myself now you can say all ilio but what if you're deluded how do you really know what if you're just hallucinating what if you're just kidding yourself from your perspective yeah I could be lying to you I could be deluded I could be hallucinating or whatever but from my perspective there's no way I know what I know I know what I've experienced the absolute is the absolute and the effectiveness of five Meo at taking you to the absolute is just mind-blowing it just baffles me that such a technology exists it baffles me it just baffles me it will it will utterly baffle you when it's happening to you when that five Meo is working on you within five minutes you will be completely and utterly baffled not just by your awakening which will be a very deep and real awakening but by how you got there that's the most amazing thing is how you got there and how easy and effortless it really is compared to spending 40 [ __ ] years meditating every day on in some Zen monastery and still and still many of those those Zen masters have not gotten to the ultimate level of understanding many of them still understand why the universe exists sure they've had glimpses here and there and they've you know become conscious of stuff that had their Satori experiences but you know there's so much depth there's so many layers to this stuff how deeply have you experienced it is the question so what's left for me you might wonder well a lot of stuff is left for me as far as development embodiment now my focus is gonna be on embodiment I want to embody the infinite as much as I possibly can in my in my words in my in my actions in my emotions in my behaviors in my meditation sessions in my communications with other people in my relationships everywhere and that's the bulk of the work it feels like now the work has really begun what's left for me is basking in the being just sitting in the stillness I feel like I need to spend hundreds thousands of hours just sitting in the stillness if I wasn't running actualised org I would probably buy a cabin in the woods and go live there for a couple of years not to speak to anybody and just sit there and just bask in the stillness that's what's necessary to to really embody and master this stuff I feel like I still need to work towards a state of no-mind my mind is still very active I have always been extremely conceptual that has been my greatest obstacle on this path it's very clear to me now in retrospect it's been a big much bigger obstacle than it is for most people because I'm much more conceptual than most people I think my mind works slightly differently than most people's minds so you know it's precisely because the five of mio is so effective and so and so fast that it doesn't require you to steal your mind because if you're like in a Zen monastery the only way you're gonna reach a natural experience of the absolute like five Meo will show you is through silencing your mind so much over years and years and years that by the time you experience the absolute your minds gonna be very very very quiet well with the five Meo it's a little bit different it's like you get the absolute now but then you got to do the follow-up work to quiet down your mind cuz your mind's basically just gonna be as active as before because these are habits of the mind which have nothing to do with the absolute really these are separate things and people sometimes confuse them but still I noticed that my thoughts can cause me suffering and that actually my thoughts are probably my chief source of suffering and so for me to really embody the absolute and embody that sort of stillness and bliss I need to quiet down my mind so I'm just gonna be spending a lot of time just sitting in stillness meditating and I'm much more sort of I guess eager to meditate because before if I like meditation was always directed towards a goal whereas now it feels like when I meditate there is no goal and I can just let go now of course I should have been doing that from the very beginning but see the problem is you don't know that until after you've had your awakening that's only clear in retrospect it's like oh yeah I should have been doing that from day one but for four years I haven't been doing that okay yeah now I know better it works like that what else is left for me is emotional mastery I still have a lot of emotional stuff they got to work through fears and anxieties and petty pettiness and jealousy and this sorts of stuff you know still that stuff needs to be worked through clearing up my chakras and energy blockages in my body that's something that's big that I'm working on right now I'll definitely talk about that in the future don't worry it's a very important component of of this whole path of personal development very very important it's also quite a complicated subject a lot of nuances there how to actually do that there's a lot of different possible techniques there's various pitfalls that you can fall into there's ways you can damage yourself and do it the wrong way but you know I have my yoga practice for that so I'll be using my yoga practice and some other techniques which I'll discuss in the future for how to unblock these energy blockages and my I feel like also my my physical health is connected so I have some physical problems with my health I feel like those are also connected to energy blockages that I have so I got to work on those I got to work on removing certain addictions from my life like I said already I've got to work on living more healthy cleaning up my diet even more and just cleaning up my environment and healthy living overall I'm very passionate about that I got to work on developing more compact for other people that's something that I'm I'm very sensitive to now after this awakening and I feel like every after every awakening I become more and more sensitive and to me it becomes more and more clear how much importance there is in practicing compassion and how powerful of a tool it is it's an extremely powerful and persuasive tool you know if you're having problems with somebody in a relationship the best way to fix that problem is with compassion and with with love not with with blaming and finger-pointing and arguing and bickering and all this sorts of stuff so that's something I'll be working on I'll be working on making my communications with you more loving and more compassionate as well my communications via my my comments and via the post that I do on my forum and so on what else is also is left for me is I will be continuing to prove the effectiveness of five Meo in the future with small follow-up doses so I'm not really interested in you know having huge breakthrough experiences it's more about small very stable very steady doses that I can use to just complete the integration so I feel like that is that is in the plans as well and you know who knows like I said there's probably deeper indictments and probably more stuff will be revealed to me other interesting facets and insights you know there's just so many ancillary insights around the periphery of this thing called awakening that is also very interesting that psychedelics reveal to you and so that is what's left there's a lot of stuff to do a lot of work to do I'm excited about it I feel like I'm more calm and more grounded now because I'm not chasing after the answer so much and now I can just sort of like calmly do the work that I know I need to do and my new awareness now shows me exactly how I need to do that work and exactly what the path is so the path for me now looks quite clear of course my life purpose has only been strengthened by this experience I still want to teach in fact more than ever I still have a lots of insights that I want to share I have many books that I want to write I have many videos that I want to shoot I have many techniques I want to research and test out on myself I have many other mystical States that I want to experience and to see what those are like and to see what people are talking about with those and I'm excited more than ever to teach people in person not just through video to improve my teaching skills to be more effective of a communicator and be more effective a teacher to offer better analogies and better examples so for me life purpose just gets supercharged with these awakenings because my greatest wish now for you is that you in your life become conscious of why all of this exists that's ultimately if I could just choose one thing that you can get from me that I can gift to you is the injunction to go and figure that out and to have that insight for yourself do not stop on this path until you are completely certain of why everything exists and why it must exist and why it cannot be any other way that's my wish for you that's the ultimate for me that is the ultimate that is the most profound thing you can become conscious of in this in this reality I think and everything else is secondary and that that insight is so profound and so satisfying that I just wish that you could experience that for yourself be one of the handful of people on this earth who has ever awoken to this understanding very very very few people have very few people even many so-called enlightened people have not really truly awoken to to this understanding of why everything exists and why it must exist it's you you're it you're the reason for everything you are it and I want you to I want you to experience that moment for yourself of when you realize this and when you do I want you to imagine me smiling down on you because that's what it gives me the greatest satisfaction is to be able to guide people through this whole process so they can ultimately they can get to that point that's the pinnacle that's the crowning achievement that's the crown jewel and then of course come on back and there still lasts up to work on after you understand that so don't don't get cocky and don't get don't get complacent just because you understand that thing there you still got to take care of all the other crap in your life that is probably highly dysfunctional so there you go make sure to check out my Hawaii videos they're coming soon they'll be on the blog exclusively they are not going to be posted on my youtube channel that's it please click the like button for me and come check out actualize that org this is where you'll find the blog this is where you'll find some other resources like the life purpose course the book list the forum and just in general stick with me my path is still only getting started this is like the beginning of the end and then the new beginning a new chapter is sort of opening up for me over the next 6 months you're gonna see a huge transformation in myself as I work to embody all this and and then who knows what lies ahead beyond that I don't know I'm more and more open these days to living more adventurously and more spontaneously and to changing stuff around to moving around to being different places to meeting new people to talking about new things to trying out new things to teaching in new styles and different modes in different ways so I just don't know we'll see where it goes but it'll probably be exciting so stick around you're watching it happen and unfold before you and I hope that that inspires you to do it for yourself you